fake personal ads

Writing fake personal ads (on free services, natch) has been an occasional hobby of mine for a while now, ever since a friend of mine did it on a dare and got back some completely hilarious responses. I've gotten my fair share of gems, too, of course: "I'd love to sizzle in your love grease" as well as a long poem about "spunky ferret love juice." When writing the latest one, I phrased it so any mildly clever 80 year old man named Morris would think I was looking for smutty stories in my mailbox. I've only gotten one so far - a rape fantasy, with lots and lots of exclamation points and loosely transcribed grunts. Completely horrible. So I replied, in a rather smutty style I might add, and offered to become his pen-pal sex slave if he'd only improve his writing. He hasn't written back. I'm terribly hurt. *stifles a sob on a black lace handkerchief*

For those of you playing along at home: in my experience, the best way to get a really good crop of funny responses to your fake ad is to mention some specific object as a trigger. This works best if you do it in an unconventional setting - eg, "float away with me on a sea of used french fry grease" rather than "I like french fries."

My thumb hurts. I'm probably going to get carpal tunnel and die. Good night.