Dear Jack,

After repeated viewings of your latest television advertisement, I finally decided to patronize one of your fine food establishments. Congratulations to your publicity department: they’ve figured out the secret of reaching the disposable income of the young, hip, and cynical. It’s not edgy graphics or throbbing bass jingos – it’s monkeys. I like monkeys, and I’d like to see more of them in advertising, so keep up the good work.

However, I was disappointed to find that your web site offers no way to electronically contact your organization. I wanted to suggest that each restaurant employ a cute goat, to eat leftovers and entertain dine-in customers. Your food is vaguely edible, and reasonably priced, but it’s nothing special compared to any of the dozens of similar food chains operating in the SoCal market. A goat would put you several cloven hoofsteps beyond the competition.

I was going to put this idea in the suggestion box, but the one at my local franchise was out of comment cards and nobody seemed to know or care where the extras were kept.

sincerely yours,


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