I can’t even remember the last time I’ve had meat, apart from last night. Quite clearly it’s been long enough for several important meat-digesting strains of E. coli to have given up and left, seeking a better future in the L.A. water treatment facility. I hope they’re having fun now, wherever they are; my intestines were totally lost without them.

It’s one thing to be semi-mostly-vegetarian by choice and laziness, but when it’s forced upon me by ravening hordes of insensate bacteria I get a little miffed. Next thing you know, I’ll be lactose-intolerant and MSG will give me migraines, and from there, where does it end?

Also, fainting goats.

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