If I Were A Matrix: Reloaded Focus Group
I don’t know if I wanted to see this movie or not, but I was obligated to go see it anyway, so without consideration of my own desires I hopped in the car. The blog police would levy a big fat fine if I didn’t write a review.
Before I put in a spoiler barrier, I’ll just say that the theater sucked. I forgot to wear socks, and my feet were even more freezing than barefoot-movie-normal. A speaker blew out during the previews, and then the sound system got super confused and kept cutting in and out during the movie. On the other hand, my squeaky wheel of a date scored us free tickets to whatever/whenever/wherever with the theater chain. So that was okay.
So if I were a Matrix: Reloaded focus group, I would be composed of two Wanker Video Game Geeks, a Middle-Aged Middle American, a Jackie Chan Fan, and Jackie Chan Fan’s Girlfriend. And my discussion would go something like this.
Studio Executive: Well, guys – and gals – what did you think of the movie?
Wanker Geek 1: Whoa…
Wanker Geek 2: … dude.
WG 1: So, like, was that nurse flirting with Trinity at the end? Are there lesbians in Zion?
Middle-Aged Middle American: Oh, for the love of Pete! There’s already too much sex. I counted at least 347 distinct nipple shots. I wouldn’t take my kids to this move, that’s for sure.
SE: Actually, those were mostly matrix interface implants on their chests, not real nipples.
MAMA: Could’a fooled me.
Jackie Chan Fan: I thought the Ewok dancing cavern scene was dumb.
Jackie Chan Fan’s Girlfriend: The music was crap. But the scene was fine, it gave us insight into the culture of Zion. Why don’t you put in some more drums? You could make them out of metal.
Studio Executive writes something down on his notepad.