The spoon is not a predator. Consider the following:

  1. The spoon has a rounded head, reflecting a panoramic view of its surroundings. Predators, by contrast, have vision focused straight ahead.
  2. How often, soup aside, do you eat meat with a spoon?

The spoon is a puddingvore, honed by years of evolution to subsist primarily on yogurt, tapioca, and applesauce. Spoons can survive on beef stew, but if we’re going to insist that our spoons adopt a diet contrary to nature, we shouldn’t be surprised if they are susceptible to illness. Proper care and feeding for your spoons can reduce the need for expensive large-scale antibiotic treatments in the silverware drawer.


  1. Rana wrote:

    I love this.
    What do you make of sporks? Predators adopting the appearance of their prey? Omnivore scavengers?

  2. yami wrote:

    Sporks are kind of like mules – you can’t make ‘em do much they don’t want to do, and they’re infertile.

  3. Rana wrote:

    Somehow that explains a lot. Poor li’l’ annoying sporks.
    Hmmm… if you crossed them the other way, would a “foon” be the utensil equivalent of a hinny? (Also sterile, but far more graceful.)

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