Political Gear Extravaganza

I went down to the local Democratic headquarters last night, to purchase swag and scope out volunteer opportunities with the youth-oriented partisan institution. Actually joining the Young Dems would be an unseemly affront to my cultivated lefty-swing-voter image, but one must occasionally sacrifice ideology to build an effective grassroots apparatus, sigh.

The rest of this post will be about swag.

1. Why, after 23 years of silent and effective oppression, is my inner hipster fashionista suddenly insisting on the Most Very Perfect Campaignwear? There was a fabulous retro-esque design, not this one but meant to evoke a similar demographic – and the red one was only available in kids’ sizes. OH TEH NOOOOES!!!!one!!!

   Actually, now that I think about it, it’s not so much “retro-esque” as “Abercrombie” and I kinda feel like what happens when you put a hipster and a twelve year old suburban-brand yuppie in a giant kaleidoscope death match. And a sellout. Giant kaleidoscope hipster/tweenyuppie death match sellout.

   Anyway, I bought a markedly inferior grey ringer-shirt version of the aforementioned shirt, which has set me on a hunt for the One True Election-Season Apparel.

2. The classiest thing on Cafepress so far is the Kerry’s a Commie Camisole. Alas, wrong side. John Kerry, kung fu master is a step in the right direction, but lacks the required chutzpah. Shirts on Cafepress are fundamentally limited by an uninspiring palette of neutral background tones. Bright red, though key, is unavailable.
3. Bueller?
4. The Cafepress merchandising for Barbara Boxer, on the other hand, is utterly dismal – barely a pair of custom-decorated boxers to exploit the easy pun. She has failed to receive even the shirt-borne endorsements of astrology! I’ve been thinking up spectacularly vapid and tasteless ways to remedy the situation. If they’re still funny after a good night’s sleep and some time in Adobe Illustrator, maybe I’ll even follow through.
5. Oh, right, sleep.