The Sex Life of Staplers

  1. Hypothesis: Staplers reproduce asexually.

    Evidence: The Cubes (which hold five desks including mine) have a communal stapler (decorated with post-it flags with our names on ’em, and the names of some people who don’t work here anymore, and it’s The People’s Stapler! Hoorah for the glorious stapling revolution!) which lately has been living on my desk. I just got back from a meeting and there were two staplers on my desk! Whoa.

    The question now is: was I sneezing this morning because of stapler spores?

  2. The company retirement plan, which I’m just now eligible to sign on for, includes free use of a wealth manager – someone who habitually consults with millionaires and upward. EAT THE RICH YUM YUM is not listed as one of the acceptable 401(k) account options.


  1. Janessa wrote:

    Test the stapler hypothesis by taping ALL office staplers into ziplocks and then write “experiment in progress, do no remove” on the bag. wait awhile and see if little staplers seed on the inside of the bag. keep a control (unbagged) stapler in your desk drawer.

  2. Rana wrote:

    It’s the staples that are the spores. Don’t let them get free!

  3. john wrote:

    get a fucking life

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