Balancing Work and Family: Just Use Your Penis
Well here’s a totally insightful analysis of social trends that is not at all merely applauding the reinforcement of gender norms:
“My mother’s always told me you can’t be the best career woman and the best mother at the same time,” Ms. Liu said matter-of-factly. “You always have to choose one over the other.”
While the changing attitudes are difficult to quantify, the shift emerges repeatedly in interviews with Ivy League students, including 138 freshman and senior females at Yale who replied to e-mail questions sent to members of two residential colleges over the last school year.
The interviews found that 85 of the students, or roughly 60 percent, said that when they had children, they planned to cut back on work or stop working entirely. About half of those women said they planned to work part time, and about half wanted to stop work for at least a few years.
Yes, it’s true: without the vital life-balancing tool that is the penis, we women just can’t expect to have both children and a career. Penises are essential tools for a busy life – they function as hat racks, for one thing. Everyone knows how important this is, so there’s really no sense interviewing young men to see how they plan to balance work and family; their hat racks make the task utterly trivial.
It’s not commonly known, but in addition to functioning as a hat rack, donut storage device, and emergency doorjamb, the penis has capillary vessels which actually carry stress particles away from the body, allowing them to be stored harmlessly until disposal in urine or semen. This is why campus women’s advocacy groups always offer stress-reduction workshops and free massages instead of anti-patriarchy ass-kicking.