Insert “In Soviet Russia…” Joke Here

So I’m browsing through the latest issue of Tectonophysics when I see that “[s]everal long-range seismic profiles were carried out in Russia with Peaceful Nuclear Explosions (PNE).” Holy oxymorirony, Batman! Don’t nuclear arsenals carry a certain amount of bellicosity with them, which can only be removed by a painstaking ceremony involving lots of little children singing songs about friendship?

Did Pavlenkova and Pavlenkova undertake such rituals before running their experiments? They don’t mention it! You sure can get anything through peer review these days… especially if you publish it in journals owned by international arms merchants.


  1. John Vidale wrote:

    PNEs, like dynamite, but with a little more punch. Like Teller’s plan “to excavate an artificial harbor in Alaska using thermonuclear explosives” [Wikipedia].
    I used a couple of megaton real nuclear tests to look at fine structure and rotation of the inner core. It is a rare seismic source that has a magnitude of 7 and a duration of a millisecond.

  2. Lab Lemming wrote:

    And you wonder why the USSR lost the propaganda race…
    My first job out of college involved compiling a whole bunch of refraction profiles, including some of those. They were a lot longer than the conventional ones.
    So save the children holding hands, the organic tofu, and the flower tossing for the natural nuclear reactors.

  3. yami wrote:

    Oh, for sure they’re great for science. It’s just that so many of my current housemates are starry-eyed peace activists who want to shut down the national labs…
    LL: Did you mean to include a link there? And, heh. Reminds me of the time some kids went down to Whole Foods to ask if they had any “natural logarithms”…

  4. Lab Lemming wrote:

    I actually tried to link to the Wikipedia page, which seems to have been ripped off of the DOE site you posted, only with the propaganda removed.
    For example, they correct
    “The radioactive remains of natural nuclear fission chain reactions that happened 1.7 billion years ago in Gabon, West Africa, never moved far beyond their place of origin.”
    “the non-volatile fission products have only moved a few cm in the veins during the last 1.5 billion years.”
    But hey. As long as we get MOST of the words correct, the rest arn’t that important, are they? Isn’t the first rule of writing to dispense with adjectives?

  5. yami wrote:

    Nah, that’s the second rule of writing. The first rule of writing is to know who’s paying you, and how much, and write accordingly.

  6. Lab Lemming wrote:

    Shouldn’t we be writing suck-up blogs for that one?

  7. yami wrote:

    Depends how well we’re paid.

  8. DAMN wrote:

    In Soviet Russia joke inserts you.

  9. Red Russian wrote:

    In Soviet Russia, road forks YOU!

  10. zaros104 wrote:

    In Soviet Russia, Baby give birth to Mother!

  11. steven lourie wrote:

    in soviet russia jokes inserts you

  12. moosa wrote:

    In soviet russia, Law breaks you!!!

  13. ClickMyName =) wrote:

    In Soviet Russia you do not hunt deer. Deer hunt you.

    Gotta say it with a Russian accent lol

  14. CP wrote:

    In soviet Russia, toast butters you!

  15. cole wrote:

    In Soviet Russia, baby aborts YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, car drives YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, toilet flushes YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, road forks YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, fish catches YOU!
    In Soviet Russia, radio listens to YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, chair sits on YoU!!
    In Soviet Russia, cold catches YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, cow tips YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, bong hits YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, bucket kicks YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, TV watches YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, steak grills YOU!!!
    In Soviet Russia, CD burns YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, bar walks into YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, ass kicks YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, n00b pwns j00!!!
    In Soviet Russia, bag punches YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, frog dissects YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, kitten huffs YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, mouse traps YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, remote controls YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, movie pirates YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, day seizes YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, picture hangs YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, bank robs YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, deer hunts YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, roulette turns YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, laundry hangs YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, toast burns YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, corn pops YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, nut cracks YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, weight gains YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, Pokemon catches YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, dust bites YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, rocket launches YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, Tree chops YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, shirt wears YOU!!

    In Soviet Russia, dummies force YOU!!
    Predictably, T-Shirts have already been made with these messages.
    • In Soviet Russia, t-shirt reads YOU!!
    Roses are Red
    Violets are Blue
    In Soviet Russia
    Poem writes YOU!!
    In Soviet Russia, Quote Reads YOU!!
    “In Soviet Russia, foo’ pities YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on Mr. T
    “In Zombie Russia, brain eats YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on Zombie
    “In Doggie Russia, car chases YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on Dog
    “In Soviet Russia fox fires YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on Firefox
    “In Soviet Russia, Google searches YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on Google
    “In Soviet Russia, clown punches YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on masturbation
    “In Soviet Russia, battleship sinks YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on Battleships™
    “In Communist Cuba, we eliminate hunger. In Soviet Russia, hunger eliminates YOU!!”
    ~ Fidel Castro on politics
    “In Soviet Russia, This Can’t Touch YOU!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on MC Hammer
    “In Soviet Russia, dead horse flogs YOU!!!”
    ~ Russian reversal on flogging a dead horse

  16. trebonnotloc wrote:

    Roses are Red
    Violets are Blue
    In Soviet Russia
    Poem writes YOU!!

  17. Marko wrote:

    In soviet russia, man once talks to wife about Putin. Man go to bed.
    At 2 am man hear knock-knock on the door. Man go see who it is, no one there. Man go back to bed. Five minutes later man hear knock-knock again! Man go see who it is, no one there. Man look out of the window. Boom, headshot. KGB everywhere.

  18. awsome wrote:

    In Soviet Russia, God worship you!

  19. ug wrote:

    In Soviet Russia Prostitute pays YOU! In Soviet Russia Blind man guides YOU!

  20. ug wrote:

    In Soviet Russia Facebook page posts YOU!

  21. HAHA wrote:

    in America you hire hooker, in Soviet Russia hooker hires YOU!!

  22. HAHA wrote:

    in America you shoot gun, in Soviet Russia gun shoots YOU!!

  23. gman wrote:

    in soviet russia cows milk you

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