Dear ASUC Candidates

I haven’t given a shit about student government since I dropped my ASCIT membership four years ago. Now I have the United Auto Workers for all my giving-a-shit needs, and frankly, I’m just too pretty to worry about whatever financial shell games my department plays on my behalf.

No, I don’t want your flyer. No, I don’t have a second. No, you can’t walk me to class. Do you not see my Science Face? I’m walking to the Science Place, thinking about Science! Your petty pre-coffee accostations only make me grumpy, and hasten the demise of the Sacramento Delta.

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