The Iowa Purity Test
Check all boxes for which your answer is
The submit button is at the bottom.
Have you never met any celebrities? (local TV personalities don't count)
If two cars are waiting to pass a tractor on the highway, do you consider it a traffic jam?
Have you ever been to the Amana Colonies for vacation?
How about Adventureland?
Do you measure distance in minutes?
Do you give one-finger waves to oncoming traffic, without using your middle finger?
Do you know someone who's hit a deer?
More than one? (more than one deer, or more than one person, either way)
Do you know more than one person who's hit more than one deer?
Can you pronounce "Des Moines" without thinking about it... correctly?
Did you ever have school cancelled because of the cold?
...because of the heat?
Do you know what Hawks really are?
How about Clones?
Have you ridden the school bus for more than an hour each way?
Do you lock your car so people don't put free zucchini in it?
Have you ever switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day?
Does ethanol make your truck run a lot better?
Do you know what's knee-high by the fourth of July?
Do you put your grocieries in sacks, not bags?
Do you end your sentences with unecessary prepositions? Ex: "Where's my coat at?"
Is your hometown's biggest festival named after a fruit or vegetable?
Have you ever hunted for morel mushrooms?
Do you say "catty wampus" instead of "kitty-corner"?
Have you learned from experience that your pickup will run without a muffler?
Do you have security lights on your house and garage door, and leave them unlocked?
Do you think of beef, pork, beer, and Jell-o salad as the four major food groups?
When asked about your trip to an exotic place, do you say "it was different?"
Do you remember Terry Branstad as governor, the entire time you (or your kids/grandkids) were growing up?
Do you consider it an honor to be called a Pork Queen?
Do you drink pop, not soda?
Do you carry jumper cables in your car, all year round?
Do you know what the numbers 80, 380 and 218 mean?
Do you know what cow tipping is?
Have you ever gone cow tipping?
Have you ever detassled corn?
Was it your first job?
Were you ever a detassling crew leader?
Do you see cars running in the parking lot of the store with nobody in them at all times of year?