I must decline the nomination

At five o'clock yesterday afternoon, I was one signature short of gubernatorial candidacy. Though I stood on the steps of the County Recorder's office begging passers-by to please give me a chance at high office, and maybe a dollar for beer, I was cruelly denied on both counts.

I know you're all disappointed, but there's lots of good fish in the sea. Some of the
candidate bios are priceless; many are mind-bogglingly idealistic, especially for an election that clearly comes from the dark soul of a Tom Stoppard play.

Read Kevin Drum's annotated sampling. I was going to do my own, but really, it's not necessary.