Someone’s A Bit Paranoid

Now tell me, Dearest Readers, what kinds of meat you've been eating lately:

Protomonkey!

It was a while ago that I was busy* looking up mammalian phylogeny, but it seems that our closest non-primate relatives are tree shrews. After that, there's some dispute as to whether it's bats and flying lemurs or bunnies** and rodents.

secret gophers infiltrate my prions

That's why you should only eat grass-fed gophers, O Silly Reader!

The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles

That's a pretty great commentary on the meaning of monkey, all right.

i betcha trained ninja ducklings would be highly effective

I betcha they wouldn't!

1. They have no prehensile tails.
2. They are liable to imprint on the enemy and follow it around, quacking piteously.
3. They are always falling down sewer grates

Meanwhile, someone has degenerated into idiotic babbling:

gabbro

That's just got to be bad for your teeth.

I have two braids for sale. 21-22 inches long, 2inches in diameter. Please advise how I can sell.
Ruth
--
Hair for sale

I advise you to sew your braids back on to your head, where they belong. I certainly don't want to buy them!

poop

My bowels are fine, thanks.

lengthy

Speaking of lengthy poops, I need new bathroom reading. The Lego catalog has grown dull.

Don't you imagine the Goth Black family reunions might be interesting (in the Chinese sense)?...

Not really. I imagine them to be full of sallow youths standing around looking dully at no one in particular, while Great Uncle "Goth Black" Fritz stands on a table singing "Schnitzelbank".****

* Where "busy" means "bored".
** From the perspective of cladistic analysis, "bunny" as a catchall term for adorable long-eared lagomorphs*** (i.e., Leporidae) is far superior to the paraphyletic terms "rabbit" and "hare". I am leaving out the Ochotonidae here, but fuck 'em.
*** All lagomorphs are adorable.
**** Which actually happens at my family reunions, except we all sort of mumble along instead of just staring into space.