I’m going to start tutoring at a high school down the road. Algebra. I hope I can remember how to explain things without using matrices or making absurd nerdy references to Euler’s theorem, but it should be good fun regardless.

Of course, before I am granted the privilige of entering some of the many hallowed halls in the Los Angeles Unified School District, I must prove myself worthy by filling out some paperwork. Probably I’ll tell them, in triplicate, that I’m not some wacko with a legal settlement hanging over my head stating that I must never be allowed anywhere near a school ever ever again on pain of gigantic civil and criminal penalties, on account of a previous kiddie porn scandal. This doesn’t disturb me in the slightest; after all, my fourth-grade teacher’s husband was exactly that kind of wacko, and in the absence of this simple legal hurdle they let him come back on school property to instigate a whole new kiddie porn scandal. Oooops.

What does disturb me is that I have to submit a tuberculosis test, because I can’t remember when I last had one and I’m certain it’s the sort of thing I ought to remember. I remember when my last tetanus shot was, and I don’t have tetanus… so maybe my dripping sinuses and intermittent hacking cough aren’t allergic reactions after all! I could have TB! This would be cool if it were a gentle wasting illness like in Moulin Rouge, where my skin would develop that ethereal translucent glow, inspiring the frantic denial of hordes of lovestruck followers before I am finally saved by the miracle of modern antibiotics, but it’s actually not like that at all. Oh well.

In other matters, I am now quite enamored of It soothes my cockles rather nicely. As a side note, where are one’s cockles anyway? Are they near the hackles? I don’t generally keep many shellfish in the cupboard, so I was quite surprised to find that I had cockles to soothe. Something new every day, I tell ya.


Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *