New Year’s Diet
There is a delicious frisson of Catholic-style guilt in that classic New Year’s resolution to eat better: I’m still working through the Christmas candy. I’ve made it to the Giant Bar.
The Giant Bar is not actually as intimidating as one might suppose, given that the yellow wrapper was designed to evoke some dim genetic fear of tigers. You don’t eat the milk chocolate with almonds, the milk chocolate with almonds eats you! Symbolically, of course – what is actually supposed to happen is that you are consumed by gluttony, gobble the whole thing down at once without even pausing for a drink of milk, and expire in glee.
Which is why I’m grateful to the Transportation Security Authority at the Quad Cities regional airport. They smashed the Giant Bar into tiny and completely non-threatening portions. Hoorah!