Two-Buck Chuck Will Rise Again

Who, I earnestly enquire, could possibly resist bottles of wine for $1.20?

Don’t answer that, I’m sure you all have quite good sense in your heads and realize that $1.20 wine will taste like, well, $1.20 wine. Nevertheless, I do not happen to be involved in La Resistance du Vin and so I bought three bottles.

“Good” is not particularly among the things one could say about the 2001 Tula Vista Cabernet Sauvignon. “Drinkable” is, possibly, if the set of things one could say is broadly construed to include both charitability and sarcasm. It has screaming notes of poison berry and vinegar, with a sour, tannic finish. However, if you are careful to avoid touching the tip or side of your tongue to the wine, and swallow quickly without thinking about what you’re doing, it’s a plausible excuse for a genuine Two-Buck Chuck.

Trackbacks & Pings

  1. These Search Requests Are What I’m Trying to Monetize on 28 Jul 2006 at 8:23 pm

    […] … though sadly, the search terms that bring in actual cash money have been much less entertaining. My hosting bills are now paid by people looking for tie-dye backgrounds and my expert opinions on cheap wine. […]


  1. ximengna wrote:

    Shimane Wine is where grapes go to commit suicide and tasting it makes you want to join them. I wouldn’t normally recommend it, but you seem to be in the market for an upgrade from what you’re already drinking. Want me to send you a case?

  2. des von bladet wrote:

    I am very undiscriminating! (I buy 1.5L plastique bottles of French rubbish for a fiver, of which more than half is tax.)

  3. yami wrote:

    Translation: two bottle equivalents for $9.22, and rising as the dollar falls. Even cutting out taxes I still win – but this was a blowout anniversary special at the cheap wine shoppe, thus the irresistability.
    It’s possible to get something unflinchingly tolerable for $5-$6 at the same place, actually, if you’re careful.

  4. Yanes wrote:

    But can anyone forget the Chronical’s Halloween Specials- the Ghoulish, the Ghastly, and the Zomietastic, three awful reds priced 9 cents, 11 cents, and 19 cents. We took a case of these mixed finities camping and ended up using them to put the fire out and conserve our water. the 11 cent was the best and, yes, drinkable. see if the Chronicle’s got that deal again!

  5. denisdekat wrote:

    Just wait, as soon as they totally release the tazes on Chilean Wine imports, and Argentinian wine (coming soon), Napa wineries will be replaced with track housing…
    Wine is so cheap down there, it is amazing. When I was last in Chile, I drank so much wine, that I can hardly get as excited about cheap wine as I used to, however, it is great that our prices are finally going down…
    I am hearing that Napa wineries have started operations down there, they know they will not be able to compete with those kinds of prices…
    So in celebration of Cheap wine, I quote a one of my favorite poets that I read when I was a lad (Baudelaire):
    Le Vin de l’Assassin
    Ma femme est morte, je suis libre!
    Je puis donc boire tout mon soûl.
    Lorsque je rentrais sans un sou,
    Ses cris me déchiraient la fibre.
    Autant qu’un roi je suis heureux;
    L’air est pur, le ciel admirable…
    Nous avions un été semblable
    Lorsque j’en devins amoureux!
    L’horrible soif qui me déchire
    Aurait besoin pour s’assouvir
    D’autant de vin qu’en peut tenir
    Son tombeau; — ce n’est pas peu dire:
    Je l’ai jetée au fond d’un puits,
    Et j’ai même poussé sur elle
    Tous les pavés de la margelle.
    — Je l’oublierai si je le puis!
    Au nom des serments de tendresse,
    Dont rien ne peut nous délier,
    Et pour nous réconcilier
    Comme au beau temps de notre ivresse,
    J’implorai d’elle un rendez-vous,
    Le soir, sur une route obscure.
    Elle y vint — folle créature!
    Nous sommes tous plus ou moins fous!
    Elle était encore jolie,
    Quoique bien fatiguée! et moi,
    Je l’aimais trop! voilà pourquoi
    Je lui dis: Sors de cette vie!
    Nul ne peut me comprendre. Un seul
    Parmi ces ivrognes stupides
    Songea-t-il dans ses nuits morbides
    A faire du vin un linceul?
    Cette crapule invulnérable
    Comme les machines de fer
    Jamais, ni l’été ni l’hiver,
    N’a connu l’amour véritable,
    Avec ses noirs enchantements,
    Son cortège infernal d’alarmes,
    Ses fioles de poison, ses larmes,
    Ses bruits de chaîne et d’ossements!
    — Me voilà libre et solitaire!
    Je serai ce soir ivre mort;
    Alors, sans peur et sans remords,
    Je me coucherai sur la terre,
    Et je dormirai comme un chien!
    Le chariot aux lourdes roues
    Chargé de pierres et de boues,
    Le wagon enragé peut bien
    Ecraser ma tête coupable
    Ou me couper par le milieu,
    Je m’en moque comme de Dieu,
    Du Diable ou de la Sainte Table!

  6. yami wrote:

    Napa is investing heavily in Snobbery, though, which may yet pay off.
    M. le Chat, you’ve single-handedly raised the brow around here! I may require a dirty limerick to even things out. And remind me never to get between you and your ivresse…

  7. denisdekat wrote:

    Baudelaire not only wrote many poems about wine and intoxication, but cats too
    I love his stuff…

  8. yami wrote:

    Ooops, Spaminator caught a live one here:

    Author : Red Blanchard
    URL :
    I bought 6 cases of the Tula Vista for $1.20 each, and it makes me retch to read what some of you wine snobs say about it. I think it is very tasty; and wish I could buy more, now that I am down to only 4 bottles.
    This is the “Two-Buck Chuck” story all over again. If you have a blind test, and guess who wins? – then you wine snobs are left wondering wha’ hoppen? I notice the “South Coast Winery” is now advertising the same 2001 Cabernet for $27. so you ‘experts’ will probably like it!

    Sorry ’bout that, Red.

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