Wizard of Bras

Yesterday I spent $70 on three new bras. Outrageous, really, but you try spending fruitless hours looking for a bra with no underwires and no itchy synthetic lining on the cup that hasn’t been styled on the popular “Ace bandage” breast-binding model. Then stop by the one store that conveniently sorts its bras by size and presence-or-lack-of-underwires, and see how much you buy.

Of course, I’ve yet to find my perfect bra – the ones I just bought fit well, and they’re reasonably comfortable, but they still subscribe to this ridiculous notion that a bra should provide lots of “support” for the breasts it contains. My breasts don’t want to be supported, or reshaped into floating orbs that hover in front of my chest, or padded, or coddled, or given a second satin skin. They sometimes want a piece of soft cloth to protect them from my itchy t-shirts, but that’s all. They have their own shape and personality, and complain loudly if any upstart fabric construction tries to keep ’em down.

I occasionally impose upon my breasts to avoid the Problem of Disconcertingly Evident Nipples, but I don’t want to dress them up with little bows or make them look bigger even if they aren’t a size DDD. And I can’t be the only one… can I?


  1. Rasmus wrote:

    Wow, Yami, this is a tough one to comment on. You see, I’ve never bought or worn a bra in my life. I have had girlfriends however, and as far as I can remember, they’ve all said more or less the same as you (except one who had fairly large breasts and liked the support-part). So, while I have no real opinion or valuable input, I would suggest you work on inventing a bra that works/looks/feels just the way YOU want. I think there’d be a market for it.

  2. yami wrote:

    Crap, you’re right. But now I have to learn how to sew!

  3. Kat wrote:

    Pth. My endowments are rather a happy medium size, but I want support, dammit, and I can never find enough of it. I always do the jump test. If they bounce around uncomfortably when i am jumping up and down, I don’t buy the bra. I don’t care whether or not there are underwires as long as I can’t feel a piece of metal poking out at me, and I actually like knowing that there’s something substantial there holding them up.
    I agree with the padded thing, though… not everyone wants bigger boobs. I don’t understand why I can’t find a bra without padding in it; frankly, I don’t want them any bigger, thankyouverymuch. Ahem. That’s all.

  4. Sal wrote:

    Ya know, as I have gotten older the boobs have gtten bigger, so HARD to finda large ladies bra, If it came down to burning them AGAIN, I would be the first in line with a match! Must have been a man that invented them in the first place lol.
    Like wearing a harness ( Sal )

  5. imran wrote:

    pls send me biggest bras snaps

  6. Helzy wrote:

    actually it was a man who invented bras. do you realise western countires are the only ones where it’s commonplace to wear a bra? do you realise we have the highest statistics for breast pain and diseases? bras are evil. however like so many medium to large breasted women out there, sometimes the support is important. i recently bought a sports bra for that very reason, which is exceedingly nice except for the stupid fishnet bits which appear to be there just to look pretty. they’re bloody itchy and it’s the one complaint i have with that bra. there’s always something isnt there?
    sorry, people; my rant is over.

  7. S. Holtz wrote:

    I would try a site called Spanx.com. They have a bra made of hosiery material with no metal in it. It’s about $34.

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