Real Ultimate Molluscs!!! (and stuff on my door)

the dry erase board on my door, with a list of all the stuff I've left to do

This is my last finals week to-do list, ever. In a way I’m sad we only have one color of dry erase marker in the house; and in lots of other ways I don’t care. If I had more colors I might be tempted to add “find job” and “pack up shit” to the bottom. Or possibly “write insightful blog entry on graduation-related dubiousness, with reference to recent entry in the den.”

All my actual reflectiveness and insight is reserved for molluscs. Molluscs are cool, and by cool, I mean totally sweet.


  1. Molluscs are invertebrates.
  2. Molluscs fight ALL the time.
  3. The purpose of the mollusc is to flip out and kill people.

Weapons and Gear:

magnified radulae giant squid tentacles
Mollusc Radulae Mollusc Tentacles
some snail shells
Mollusc Outfit


Molluscs can kill anyone they want! Molluscs chew through shells ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this mollusc who was sitting in a tide pool. And when some dude stuck his tentacle in the mollusc caused the Late Ordovician extinctions. My friend Mark said that he saw a mollusc totally uppercut some whale just because the whale said proterostomes were dumb.

And that’s what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don’t believe that molluscs have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It’s an easy choice, if you ask me.

Molluscs are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can’t believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that’s a fact. Molluscs are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can’t wait to start biochemistry next year. I love molluscs with all of my body (including my pee pee).

Q and A:

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about molluscs?
A: Molluscs are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand, they have a complete gut, but on the other hand they are squishy and slimy.

Q: I heard that molluscs are always cruel or mean. What’s their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other animals, molluscs can be mean OR totally awesome.

Q: What do molluscs do when they’re not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent crawling, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don’t believe me.)

man with giant ammonite
This is a picture of my best friend Mark. He’s a lot older than me and writes papers on ammonites, which is bragable.

(with apologies to the official ninja webpage and the official electrical engineer homepage, and also my paleontology final)


  1. Rasmus wrote:

    I thought the ninja page was funny, but this one … let me say that this is what Matrix Reloaded should have been, compared to the first movie.

  2. Simon wrote:

    Awesome! Like, totally sweet!

  3. uga wrote:

    “The land snail shows a great variety of shell patterns. Studies indicate that the patterns are effective in camouflage, and that each one suits its enfironment, from grassland to forest.” Webster, King/Fisher Book of Evolution

    Am I correct in believing there are snails all of whose designs are unique? So do the shells also match their environments, north to south, dry to wet? If they don’t, then we’d be dealing with something more like art, beautiful purposless items. “Divinely superfluous beauty”, Jeffers

    Have you thoughts about this?


Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *