Note to People on Political Volunteer Phone Lists

When someone calls you up and asks if you’d like to volunteer again this year, please don’t tell them about your disappointment with the Democratic Party. The person on the other end doesn’t necessarily like the Democratic Party any more than you do, though her feelings may or may not be accurately characterized as “disappointment”. The person on the other end is not even an enthusiastic volunteer ready to change the world and/or party one local chapter at a time. She’s a phone banker. She hates people.

By all means ask if your special talents can be put to use, but don’t start in on how you’re too smart to be working the phones. Your phone banker is smart too, and pretty fucking full of herself, and she forgot to eat dinner. Her talents are also wasted on the phones, and on her job, and really on anything that isn’t the geology of a remote tropical paradise, writing the Next Great American Weblog, or eating a bowl of Crispix. But even the sootiest depths of her bitter, traffic-jam befouled soul aren’t dark enough to wish four more years of George W. Bush on the world – not even if it does happen to be a world full of idiots who deserve what they get.

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