Fantasy Cabinet

I already fucked up Not One Damn Dime Day by buying gas, of all things – not only buying it, but spilling a bunch onto the pavement ’cause the auto-pump-shutoff gadget failed. Sorry, fishies! But there’s a much better game, over at Rad Geek People’s Daily (among other places). So like the title says, let’s play fantasy cabinet!

  • President: Dennis Kucinich
  • Vice President: Barbara Boxer – if I give her the vice-presidency, she’ll have to let me bear her love-child!
  • Secretary of State: Hillary Rodham Clinton
  • Secretary of the Treasury: Paul Krugmanvoluminous op-ed output is convenient for later rounds in the fantasy cabinet tournament
  • Secretary of Defense: Wes Clark
  • Attorney General: Nadine Strossen
  • Secretary of the Interior: Wangari Maathai
  • Secretary of Agriculture: Eliot Coleman
  • Secretary of Commerce: Atrios
  • Secretary of Labor: Ralph Nader
  • Secretary of H.U.D.: Bunnicula Jimmy Carter – I can’t imagine Vampire Jimmy Carter feeding on human blood. He feeds on carrots instead.
  • Secretary of Transportation:
  • Secretary of Education: bell hooks Gene Ray – Sorry, bell, you are educated stupid
  • Secretary of Energy:
  • Secretary of H.H.S.: Howard Dean
  • Secretary of Veterans Affairs: John Kerry – How many failed Dem contenders can I fit in one cabinet? Hmm…
  • Department of Homeland Security: Robert Byrd
  • Chief of Staff: Jesse Jackson, Sr.
  • EPA: Carl Pope
  • Office of Management and Budget: Zombie Herbert Hoover – I am so bipartisan
  • Drug Czar: Zombie Richard Nixon. – It’s hard to cook up a good batch of meth when there’s a zombie tryin’ ta eat your brains!
  • U.S. Trade Representative:
  • Director of Central Intelligence: the Medium Lobster
  • Ambassador to the UN: Carol Moseley-Braun
  • Undersecretary of Homeland Security for Emergency Preparedness: Smokey the Bear
  • White House Counsel: Oliver Babbish – Not that I watch the West Wing. But you can’t very well have a character from Gilmore Girls in your fantasy cabinet, can you?
  • National Security Adviser:

Okay, I’ve got everyone but Energy, Transportation, Trade Rep, and NSA. Help! Help!


  1. LDH wrote:

    Some modest proposals:
    U.S. Trade Rep – Bob Barker
    Chief of Staff – Ron Jeremy
    Secretary of Energy – Richard Simmons

  2. yami wrote:

    Don’t you mean Monty Hall for the Trade Rep? Good idea w/ Ron Jeremy, we do need someone flamboyant as Chief of Staff, but I’m trying to avoid further gender skew… hmm…

  3. denisdekat wrote:

    I sold my car, it feels really good. I only take mass trasnportation no matter how much it hurts. But then again, I live inthe city…

  4. Rana wrote:

    Sec. of State: Theresa Heinz Kerry.
    EPA: Carl Pope (Sierra Club director)

  5. Hugo wrote:

    Attorney General: Nadine Strossen
    Chief of Staff: John Wooden

  6. yami wrote:

    Rana and Hugo: Thanks! Pope and Strossen are indisputable. As for THK, well, I like her but also find her somewhat creepy. And I have a kneejerk anti-sports-figure policy for all my fantasies

  7. LDH wrote:

    Yes, you’re right — I did mean Monty (dernded old brain engrams, anyhoo…)

  8. ester wrote:

    how bout jimmy carter for HUD? he’s so good with the house building.
    and for white house counsel, oliver babbish. yes, i am a dork.

  9. yami wrote:

    Jimmy Carter isn’t a zombie yet, though. D’you think he’d be willing to sacrifice his retirement for a living death in HUD?
    Maybe he could be a mummy or a vampire. Undead diversity and all.

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