The Difference Between Shit and the Internet

This was on metafilter, so you’ve probably all seen it already: The Internet Is Shit. You may not have seen defending Fair Internet’s honor. It seems that other people have also spent a great deal of effort crafting arguments on the relative beings of shit and the Internet, but such efforts are unwarranted. The Internet is clearly not shit, as this simple comparison table shows.

Shit The Internet
  • Produced by an animal’s digestive tract
  • Harbors nasty bacteria
  • Used to communicate hatred, disgust and displeasure
  • Matte brown in most cases
  • Can usually be disposed of with just one or two flushes
  • Can contaminate water supplies and cause outbreaks of cholera
  • Originally produced by DARPA
  • Harbors nasty viruses
  • Used to communicate boredom, listlessness and ennui
  • The Internet has no clearly defined color, but is probably shiny
  • Won’t fit in your toilet
  • Can provide information about cholera

There are more differences, of course, but if you’re ever confused about whether something is shit or the Internet, this should be enough to help.

Incidentally, when I first saw the domain, I thought Hey! That’d be a great name for a blog! In some ways, blogs are the new garage bands of the 21st Century.


  1. yami wrote:

    Original comment from Chris · August 1, 2003 02:34 AM

    Except we don’t do music.

  2. tony stipetic wrote:

    the internet is shit, it’s true.

  3. tony stipetic wrote:

    I can’t believe it’s been nearly two years since someone else has realised this.

  4. Anonymous wrote:

    sad shites

  5. tony stipetic wrote:

    Well actually the internet comprises of 99.99999999999% shit.
    And twats like you Mr Anonymous, who don’t even have the guts to put your own name to an insignificant insult directed towards two dudes who at least have an opinion, and given could half a chance could make this world a better place.
    Why don’t you try directing your scathing wit towards more worthy and deserving individuals such as George Bush, Robert Mugabe, Tony Blair, Paul Daniels etc.

  6. I wrote:

    The fact is we are not sufficiently evolved to appreciate what computer technology can do. It only offers relief to one maybe two of our multitude of senses. Last time i noticed i still need to eat organic sustances and excrete them. I still have to move around vigourously until i perspire each day to support a pumping cardiovascular muscle that my body requires to live. I still have to walk under the rays of our sun and breath the fresh air to help keep my bodies complex hormone system in some state of normality. I could go on but the crunch here is the fact that we, unfortunately, are not ruled and manipulated by 0’s and 1’s. With all these myriads of eventualities that are supposedly at our finger tips has it made it a better world to live in, thats debatable, and has it made the individual a more contented and mindful human being, i doubt it. But maybe it has opened some eyes that were shut but only then does it destroy what it makes in the form of escapism on a global scale. When the foundations of a society(The West)are built on sand you can only build so high. A philosopher said that ‘if the hand does not move the stick, the stick will not move anything else’ quite an obvious assumption to make but never has it been more prominent than now. I bet the american and many other governments and sick leaders love the fact that 75% of their population has got their head stuck in a computer all day ‘how to subdue the animals’ and any dissedent feeling that may arise during their lives is played out by ranting onto a computer screen. The Internet has its positives attributes but too much emphasis is played on it im not saying it was rosey before, far from it, but it is not the answer and in our apathy that is caused by it we will pay.

  7. forrest wrote:

    I shit the internet.

  8. my name? shit. wrote:

    thank you, forrest. I’m glad you managed to pass that. I always love it when someone elucidates what they are thinking in such an articulate manner.

  9. papaspank wrote:

    the whole internet is shit thing…

    The internet is like a phone, a canvas or any other non-direct communication system. They’re only as good or crap as the content.

    (as T.I.I.S. site said – the media is not the message)

    its more of a reflection of ourselves, warts and all.

    If it was utterly shit – it simply wouldn’t exist (trouble is 90% of day time TV is shit, and yet that’s just fine-go figure).

    as a medium – it isn’t shit at all, we’re all able to send masses of emotional works, data, art, nonsense and things to everyone in the world at a click of a mouse. This of course, is a wonderful life enhancing thing…

    And there’s the problem…

    You see, faced with such a huge audience… we tend to bypass any forms of self editing we usually muster when say talking to our credit card companies or banks , or the office girl we quite like – but are a little wary of because we got hurt in our last relationship..etc…

    And we go all out with opinions that really only very few people would actually give a monkey about…

    Let me put it another way, if you gave everyone an A4 peice of paper – and asked them to write one side about things they liked and why… you’d be amazed at how many things you just couldn’t relate to at all.

    ‘I like sitting on park benches smelling were old people have sat down…’, or the ever sweet ‘I just love puppies – they’ my fave animal ever’

    in short..some might shock, some might amuse, some might even get you to think a little about something you’d never really considered worthy of brain cells.

    Overall though – after a certain time sifting thought these millions upon millions of pages, you’d find alot of things that you had no interest in whatsoever.

    And that I’m sorry to say is the internet at the current time.

    there’s some truly good stuff out there (some of the points on the internet is shit are VERY valid – some are just opinions and best left at that)…

    However, it seems to be getting more and more of a chore to actually FIND good stuff without having to wade through a maze of mindless tedium, ‘shocking’ images, naff ropey porn, and outbreaks of ‘THE Big I AM’ that if ocuring in the wrong pub on a saturday night – would end in some serious bloodshed…

    In conclusion then, the internet is as only as shit as we have made it to be.

    to cut to the bone – if you cleaned out all the servers/hosts of dead links, tired old pages, style-over-content-eye candy, self obssessed blogs,dodgy web cams, images of filth, ‘get your religion here it’s the best one’ sites, ‘famous people aren’t they great?’ sites, ‘look at me i’m on the web – can you love me now?’ sites… maybe just maybe, we’d find some interest in the thing called the web again.

    Maybe then we could say a bit more that ‘well it’s not complete shit’.

    I hope so.

  10. Jake wrote:

    This is an invention, we all are able to contribute to.

    If the internet is shit, it’s the fault of you, me, and the people just like us out there.

  11. papaspank wrote:

    Yes, Jake.

    So true, a bit like my previous but with less words.
    consise to the point.


  12. Tom Rendell wrote:

    the fact that youve taken the time to literally highlight the differences between ‘shit’ and the internet highlights the basically pointless and childish things the world wide web is now so often used for, by witty computer geeks such as yourself.

  13. RT wrote:

    Only when we look back in a post-apocalyptic rear-view mirror will we realize just how damaging the internet was; and how it was used against us by so many as a tool in bringing down our civilization…

  14. IshitINTERNET wrote:

    Every time I go to a toilet I make a little bit of Internet.

    When some ask me where I’m going, I clearly say to them: “I communicate with my fellow humans.”

    omg, it feels like it’s Internet time again…

    come-come, let us communicate.

  15. simon wrote:

    i totaly agree

  16. Indecisive Harmony wrote:

    If the question is whether or not the internet makes the world a better place, people have been debating this for centuries. I think the sad part is that we have already taken it for granted. I don’t think we’ve seen the full scope of the potential of the internet. Wait till you can go down to the Sev and by a Wireles interte PDA $20 . The internet we say now will some day be called the old internet.

    Main point being that we all need to progrss a little as time goes on and roll with the punches. Revolutions will happen and everything will be different in a hundred years. Is anybody concerned that new chips in your cpu are measure in Nano meters or that micro chips are $3 a piece at the store now. The internet is only a small part of the future. The reads like it as written by an 80 yr old cranky man with fond memories of his 1950’s lifestyle.

  17. johnson wrote:

    sometimes corn remains in shit. I have even heard stories of people farting and finding a corn kernel in their undies later on. yes the internet is shit and the corn is the information it carries.

  18. Aidan wrote:

    I fucking hate the internet!!! You go online to kill some time an you can never find any to do, Its just a place for peado’s an people that don’t really have any live’s outside of the house. Sad fuck’s. On saying that there is one good thing about the internet an that is PORN PORN PORN!!!!!!

  19. ben wrote:

    after reading opinions on this page i have to sadlly admit, yes internet is shit. because of people.

  20. BOB wrote:

    Well the internet may have the odd peanut, but do you really want to wade in to pick it out?

  21. Alkerbix wrote:

    I have also come to the conclusion that the internet is one of man kinds largest turds. The whole concept is great ie free information, however its not free you spend the only commodity not even Bill Gates has, TIME. If u want to find something u partially know about it can help, but if i randomly wanted to know about how something works like a car engine you will find 100000000+1 stupid explanations and 3 or 4 well strucured answers, THIS CAN TAKE HOURS. I bet if u added all the wasted time people spend on the internet it would total hundreds of life spans daily. i think we as a human race can create something that is better than SHIT and the internet clearly is not it

  22. tony stipetic wrote:

    The internet is brilliant.

  23. John wrote:

    tony stipetic, you should think before you speak. If Internet is shit, why you playing inside big pile of shit?

    Beside, you cannot turn world into a better place by swearing and act like a toddler.

    Shame on you Tony, SHAME ON YOU!

    *Ps: [sarcastic]Your name remind me of septic tank – place that fits you ;)[/sarcastic]

    [sarcastic]Good day to you your majesty[/sarcastic]

  24. Your Ma wrote:

    if it’s so shit then why the fuck are you all on it? really? i would like an answer, please.

  25. virginia moller wrote:

    umm the internet is fucking shit i mean lieng about how milk is bad for?? i mean fuck the internet and any one who loves the internet is really wierd haha.

  26. virginia moller wrote:

    to your ma: beacuse its the only way you can inertract with your friends i mean if there was no internet then how can you have facebook????

  27. Alex wrote:

    Yes, i do realise this topic has been rolling on for 7 years now but i might possibly have some valid points about the internet. 1: The internet has been the “birth place” of many great programs called freeware. Examples of freeware include Generally (a racing game), various mods of DOOM (a first person shooter) and GIMP (a photo editing software)
    2: The internet has lots of information circulating about. It has given many school kids information about tests etc.
    3: The internet contains lots of useful/fun things such as videos, flash games and funny photos that we would never have access to if the internet was destroyed like put it.

    So what i’m saying is the internet is two-faced. It contains good stuff and it harbours crappy stuff. Internet trolls are throwing crap on forums and other websites. There are pointless websites, there is false information and there are viruses. Somehow i wish someone would grab out all of the shit that is on the internet and destroy it. Then people like me could enjoy the internet and be amazed by its potential. They need to get rid of computers from 8 year olds and mental retards and give them to sensible people. I’m not saying all 8 year olds are bad on the internet but most of them are. I know a 6 year old who’s viewed Chucky, a horror film about a doll that kills everyone.

    And Virginia Moller, you’ve contradicted yourself there. Your first post mentions that you think the internet is shit yet your next post claims that you use it to interact with your friends and would hate it if there was no internet.

    Oh and if Tony Stipetic posts again he has no life. He’s posted twice with a 4 year difference. Once in 2005, again in 2009. He’ll probably be back in 2013 and 2017 to say how stupid we are. Well guess what mr. Septic, PISS OFF! You’re acting like a 10 year old with a grudge on everything.

    This is my opinion. I may be 13 years old but i act smart, not stupid. My conclusion is that the internet stores some good and useful things but you have to wade through tonnes of crap to get there.

  28. Quinton P wrote:

    I believe that the internet is here to teach us. Not for us to live by it.

  29. Tony Stipetic wrote:

    The internet is actually brilliant, now can someone take this website offline?

  30. Anonymous wrote:

    8 years passed and it’s still shit.
    The problem is, the internet is a communal medium, continuously filled by the people. And while this makes it possible to evade all the lies of centralised media we’re all used to, it also shows

    just how pathetically dumb people are.

    Perhaps, the internet will bring our intelligence up a little bit. In 60-80 years, when the pioneers die out. When it will be all anonymous P2P on Free Software without censorship, and the whole world will be ruled by collective decision-making previously known as (but never really implemented on any noticeable scale) communism.

    Until then, then.
    Utopias do come to life, but it often takes much longer than one initially expects.

  31. Anonymous wrote:

    Or anarcho-capitalism, whatever.

  32. jon lovejoy wrote:

    i would seriously like to strangle my so called friend who nagged me into getting a nasty craptop cuntpuker. i explained to the barstard that i had smashed the laptop that i had bought at great expense 12 years previously into the ground with a large rock and how much happier i had been after i had done it and told the mother fucking piece of shit that i never wanted to ever own another one of these fucking shit machines……but no matter how adamant i was that i never wanted ever to own another one of these pieces o0f plastic shit5, he wouldnt let up, promising to teach me how to use the thing and nagging and nasgging until finaly i bought another one. it lasted 10 months, during which time i punched the screen out twice and smashed the keyboard once. eventually it sent me so crazy that i took a hamer to it and did the job properly, smashing it into tiny pieces. this arsehole shows up just as i had finnished the job and freaks out and starts shouting…..what did the arsehole expect? he never taught me how to use it, when ever there vwas a problem that needed fixing he would just grab the machine and start fiddling with it himself, like some wierd type of junkie who had to get his smart arsed computer fix. i hate these fucking machines and the effect that they have on people, especially the techy nurds who are so fucking addicted to them. the internet is shit too, with it’s viruses, malware, browser kidnappers and total unreliability. why the fuck make something so horribly complex? it’s only perpose is to make people unhappy.

  33. you-kow-who wrote:

    OMG! What a load of shyte the internet really is. I’m quite creative and have put together a nice little “book” on PowerPoint of my grandson’s football gala which I now would like a print company to put into book form and am willing to pay whatever it costs. I’ve been round 25 or more online who don’t deal with PowerPoint only plain old photos to upload! I managed to find one, Staples, which was so easy to upload the whole PowerPoint file but when I came to putting in my details, when it asked for what “state” I lived in it only gave American choices!!! I’m sorry but am I wrong in thinking the internet was global, yeah right! UK Staples, of course, doesn’t do this service; SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAMMMMMMM! They can all F OFF! It leaves me to doing the good old fashioned thing of printing it out myself and finding a coil-binding service…here we go AGAIN! POO TO THE LOT OF YOU WHO INVENTED THIS STUPID DEVICE AND STUPID SO-CALLED “SERVICE”

  34. Allan Dixon wrote:

    The internet is shit and I feel sorry for all those dissulusioned people out there being conned by some crappy so called technology.GET A GRIP. Each and everyone of us has a built in super computer and we use it every day,the potential is limitless, FACT..So please don,t get sucked into all this crap of putting your personal details out there for all and sundery to see forever, and just be human again..please..

  35. Jonah wrote:

    The INTERNET and you Clowns are nonsensical and “full of shit”. Have a Niven day.

    Old Teatament

  36. Alkerbix wrote:

    When i wrote my comment back in 2008 the internet was an infant compared to what it is now. Now the internet is a king and a force to be reckoned with.

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