How To Grab Google’s Attention
I admit, I am hopelessly addicted to my own site logs, especially to the tracks of the 60% or so of my visitors who arrive here via Google search (and, to a lesser extent, other search engines – but Google traffic wins out by nearly two orders of magnitude).
In five years of blogging, I’ve meandered over a pretty wide variety of topics, with no particular intent – I just write about whatever is on my mind. I’ve taken a few basic steps to optimize my site for search engines, like putting the entry title in header tags and using it as the page title in individual archives, but I certainly haven’t gone around stuffing my titles and writing with carefully chosen keywords. Most of what I write is useless to the average results-oriented Googler, anyway. Nevertheless, a few entries have caught Googlebot’s fancy, including a few that I’d never’ve expected in a million years.
Top Ten Most-Googled Entries
- Friday Random Nineteen – I shared my weekly crop of weird search requests, one of which was meaning of * Cryptic * Spy in provocative underwear. That entry is now the #1 result for queries about cryptic spies in provocative underwear, which at over 100 visitors a month is an astonishingly common search.
I still have no idea what these people are looking for. Is it a half-remembered bit of smut? A story about a femme fatale who uses lingerie to accomplish covert missions? I’d love to do something useful with my inadvertent Google-fu and help ’em find what they’re after, but I’m just completely clueless.
- Penis Talk Redux – why don’t men kvetch about their sex organs the same way women do? More people arrive at this entry looking for women talking about penises than looking for men talking about penises.
- Speaking of kvetching about sex organs, What I Hate About Menstruating has everlasting search engine appeal for a certain set of fetishists – one of them even left a comment.
- Happy Hair Fetish
- Someone Wants Naked Sorority Frolicking – are we beginning to figure out what’s on the Internet’s collective mind yet? The unfortunate thing about this entry is that AdSense finds it offensive, so I’m not making any money on it.
- Fat-Free Half and Half – everyone else is as confused as I am. The trick seems to be that if you have a sufficiently small serving size, almost anything can be labeled “fat free”.
- Tara, I Hate You – the world contains a lot of pent-up aggression. The comments on that post are just the tip of the iceberg; more than once I’ve had to start ruthlessly deleting endless stupid bickering between small groups of semiliterate twelve year olds.
- CBCBC – the Copenhagen Bloggers’ Coffee and Beer Conspiracy waxes and wanes in importance on the Googlestream; this month it’s on an upswing.
- Shark vs. Bear – though actually, “bear vs. shark” is the more popular query.
- Gotta Pee
And an honorable mention goes to Red Pop, #16 on the most-searched list. Searchers took a completely unrelated entry and, four years after it was written, turned it into a forum for sharing jelly recipes.
I hereby declare this a meme, but I’m not sure who has both the depth of archive and the stats package to participate so I won’t tag.